Traffic at the site has unexpectedly been ‘booming’ – the opposite of what I expected – while I was away these past weeks. I consider this a warrant that I get back into the drivers seat, and continue with my writing – no matter what I currently feel about doing so.
I think about calling it quits all the time. Almost every day. There are many reasons why:
- I’m too lazy and/or preoccupied with other things.
- I doubt my skill level at writing in English.
- I feel weird about receiving attention.
- I lack the inspiration (I think).
- I have a hard time finding my voice as a writer.
There are many other things that make me doubt my ability to run a blog; these are just some that comes on top of my mind.
Today I woke up experiencing the same feeling of desolate sadness that has pervaded me often in the mornings lately. First thing I did was picking up my mobile phone and checking Facebook, as I do often…too often. But something has changed this morning and I think it has to do with how meditation is changing the way I perceive and think.
As of today I’m two-three months and more than 20 hours in to my meditation practice. 20 hours might not sound like much, but it is recommended that any meditation novice start out slow.
At first I did 5 minutes a day. Then 10 minutes a day. Then 15. I now do 20 minutes a day plus infrequent unscheduled sittings and I will eventually do at least one 1 or 2 hour session a week.
I think it would be safe to say that some people misunderstand what it is that I am trying to do with this blog. I know, because in my life I’ve been on both the spiritual and the skeptic side of the argument. Today I believe that it is not only possible but preferable to mix the two. It is all about getting the best from both worlds.