Today I woke up experiencing the same feeling of desolate sadness that has pervaded me often in the mornings lately. First thing I did was picking up my mobile phone and checking Facebook, as I do often…too often. But something has changed this morning and I think it has to do with how meditation is changing the way I perceive and think.
Yesterday I’d – in a drunken state – changed my profile photo. (I only change my profile photo when I am drunk.)
Anyway, a couple of people had ‘liked’ the photo and one had left a very nice comment. Really, his comment was only one word…rockstar…but in my mind, that guy is the freaking ‘rockstar’, so I consider it a very sweet gesture of him to take his time (albeit only two seconds) to share his appreciation of my photo with me. I could see that he cares, something I’m not good at.
I used to consider Facebook a shallow medium, you see, but – as I realize – that was because I was using it in shallow way. I don’t know about you guys, but I find that when I judge something or someone it’s often a projection of how I am feeling about myself more than anything else.
Because people actually care. Well some do. Some of the time. Many of those insignificant likes or comments are people reaching out to you. I never considered this before because I wasn’t using Facebook as a way of connecting with people, I was using it as a way of creating an artificial, curated and perfected version of myself for everyone to love. I didn’t know that I did, of course, but that is how things went down.
And you know what? If you don’t love what you do yourself, chances are other people won’t either. So I am replacing all the things I am dissatisfied with in my life with things I love and am passionate about – nothing short of that. Take this post, for example. I know I should be writing about the Tao or something, but I’ve got all of these things on my mind, just waiting to get out. So I’m letting them out and freaking loving the process of doing so.
Whats changed? Well, I’ve admitted to myself that I am sort of a fuck-up in many ways. I make mistakes. But either way I am a good person, and many people seem to like me even when my behavior would tell them that I weren’t particularly fond of them (and I am fond of people, I just suck at expressing it).
So this whole thing got me thinking…If people love me when I make a mess out of everything, how wouldn’t they be feeling about me if I actually began taking myself seriously?
It’s an amazing revelation. You know, instead of waking up and feeling miserable about not being able to accomplish the things I want, I began my day being grateful for the things I am able to do and for the love that people continue to show me despite of my shortcomings as a person.
So I got up, treated myself to a great brew of quality coffee and searched the Google play store for an app that would find me some classical radio stations on the net. I found the calm radio app and am now listening to jazz while writing this post with a deeply satisfied smile on my face. Life couldn’t be better.
Now as a good hipster, I used to like the idea of being someone who listens to jazz…It would make me seem cultured, I thought. But somewhere between beginning my meditation journey three months ago and today, my mind has shifted 180 degrees in relation to what I’m “supposed” to do or be.
I couldn’t care less about what people think of me; what I think of me is whats important. And when people appreciate something that you are truly genuine about, something you care about, something you’ve put your soul into…that appreciation…its much more satisfying than being congratulated for doing what everyone else expects of you.
And jazz…well it opens up my mind in ways I would have never dreamt of. I am finding that music can be very inspirational to unfolding your creative self, and I am loving it. Thinking about the journey I’ve just begun with jazz…considering all of the wonderful experiences I’ve got in store with jazz makes me very happy and excited.
So yeah, I freaking love meditation and how it is changing my life; the focus it brings, the calm, the self-awareness, the ability to see everything clearer, to enjoy music and art more fully, to live more in the moment. It is nothing short of amazing.
And so, I would like to take this moment to give a huge shutout to meditation…you rock meditation – you change lives. And to everyone reading this: if you aren’t already a practitioner, give meditation a shot. I promise you, you won’t regret doing so in a heartbeat.
As always, I appreciate a like, a comment or a share if you got this far. I wouldn’t blame anyone for not getting thus far, but if you did then thank you very much!