Sometimes I can’t help but think that life is tough, that the world is against me, and what is the point of anything anyway. This used to happen to me a lot. These days, however, not so often, and when it does happen I remember that I am the only person who will ever do something about my problems – they are mine after all.
In my experience, people will often blame someone (or something) else when they are themselves at fault. However I find that you get what you give.
Well, to take me, for a long time I focused a lot of my time and energy on acquiring material things and physical pleasures for my consumption. A lot of people on a self-development journey will likely start this way because, if you come from a depression, what you likely need to do is focus more on yourself and your own good.
But in the last few years I’ve been making some real changes in terms of being more kind to myself and treating myself better.
First of all, I began taking how my apartment looks seriously. Your habitat – where you spend the most of your time – says a lot about what kind of person you are to other people (and to yourself, perhaps more importantly), and by gradually changing my habitat for the better I found that I gradually felt like changing myself for the better as well.
At one point, last year, I was living a very incongruent life. I now had the apartment of a real man, but I certainly did not live up to that reputation in the way I dressed or groomed. Having a nice place, but not the lifestyle that goes with it made me feel like a huge fake. This is great, though, because before I didn’t feel the need to improve anything: I was living a congruent (but unhappy) life. Part of my stance on self-improvement is therefore that you have to fake it before you make it.
Eventually I started making changes to my wardrobe as well. This has been a gradual process and I am not nearly done with finding a style that works perfect for me yet. This in turn boosted my confidence even more because I began noticing a lot more women turning their heads on me on the street than before. However, in terms of actually having any real value to offer I was still a fake because I had yet to make considerable changes to my actions in terms of how I relate to other people and in particular to women.
Having good basic living conditions and looking good is only meant to facilitate further improvement on the more important things for real success in life.
Now, I used to be the typical nice guy. What I didn’t realize was that women are turned off by nice guys because nice guys always have ulterior motives with their actions and typically hide their real intentions behind being “nice”. Also, nice guys don’t have self-respect and are in general afraid of being themselves around women.
Anyway, now that I do have self-respect I find myself being a rare breed of man because I don’t have ulterior motives (like nice guys) and I don’t have bad motives (like bad boys).
The other day at a bar I told a guy who was annoying my female friends to leave, which he luckily did without him and me getting into any mess. My only reason for doing this was that he was being an asshole and I no longer tolerate assholes. The nice guy who was also there thought the solution was to ignore him. Well, as my point has been throughout this post, you can’t ignore problems and expect change.
Anyway, I am not sure if all of this rambling is making any real sense so I’ll cut it off about here. If I am to sum up where I am getting at, it is that being a happier person is about the continuous, gradual and small changes you make in your life. Start out with something easy like cleaning up your apartment. Then commit to creating a lifestyle you can be proud of. This includes lots of things like eating habits, sleeping habits, grooming habits, working on your looks, getting out more etc.
In life the only constant is change, so make sure yours is for the better!